Run-on Sentence

Laying in darkness longing for the light to grace face with its presence of which it allows itself to show every true emotion being that the black scene around it hides every trace of an abandoned happiness that never stays attached for enough time to really enjoy it being that the bad is outweighing the good in this human's life where love is so strongly given but not returned with that same strength resulting in physical pain of which the heart can barely take any more so the face shows its afflictions in the dark as the tears fall hesitant at first and then freely as if seeking to find comfort in the pillow they reach.

Reflection

She prepared herself for bed. As usual, Sharon walked to her dresser drawer and pulled out a clean t-shirt to sleep in. The black one that says "I love my boyfriend", which she bought to represent two boyfriends ago, has faithfully been her most comfortable tee. The irony of it all. Baby powder, deodorant, and unscented lotion were placed on the edge of her bed for use after she gets out of the shower. Sharon likes for everything to be prepared. Finally, she grabbed her towel and headed to the bathroom which was down the hall across from her mother's room. She needed a nice hot shower especially after the disagreement she and her mother just had concerning Sharon moving into her own home. She has been trying to convince her to let her move out peacefully. The water was scorching hot and she enjoyed every minute of it. When it was time to get out, she could feel her heart beating fast. The feeling was almost too much for her to continue standing, but she stood. Sharon found herself afraid to push back the shower curtain out of fear that someone or something would be waiting for her on the other side. Like so many times before, she hesitated. Finally, her fear turned into curiosity. She pushed the curtain back quickly, stepped on to a towel that lay on the floor, but she couldn't move. She stood there, in front of the steam covered mirror, exposed and dripping wet. Many times, she has been in this position and each time she waits for him to reveal himself. "Reveal yourself", she says "I know you're here. You're always here. Show me." She spoke those words as if ready for a final battle but as she went to wipe the steam from the mirror, the pounding of her heart made her weak again. So, she grabbed her towel and rushed to her room. Slamming the door shut, she questioned her reasons for wanting to see him. Sharon always felt that she wasn't saved enough for God but that she wasn't strong enough to fight the devil either. So, as much as she wanted the demon (who seemed to cling to her) to reveal itself, she really didn't want it to. Another night went by with her laying in bed, staring into the darkness until her eyes burned. Strange noises in her room keep her awake at night. She tries listening to music to drown it out but eventually the music gives her a headache. Morning came and she dressed for work but decided to drive to the beach instead. Although her family owned the business and she could come and go as she pleased, Sharon Grover always tried to make it a point to be there just as her father did before he passed.
Everyone avoided her at Grover's Memorial. She had to admit it though, it was getting scary how she knew exactly how every new arrival that came to Grover's Memorial funeral home came to meet their death. She knew how they died without anyone saying a word about it. A very strange ability. She never really wanted to take over the family business though, but her older brother Donald left and pursued a career in Law some years back. That's why she felt as if it were her responsibility. Donald, and his wife Sasha, flew in from Texas for their mother's birthday this weekend but they opted to stay in a hotel by the Los Angeles Airport instead of at the family home. For some reason that bothered Sharon and their was an argument between them.
Walking through the sand, she went just far enough for the water to cover her feet. Thinking over the argument she had with Donald, made her feel bad and she was considering apologizing. It was just jealousy and frustration. Unfortunately, it didn't take long this time for her to feel like she wasn't standing by the water alone. Physically, there was no one there but she knew differently. "Leave me alone", she said under her breath,"Just go away." Her heart raced, only this time she couldn't remain standing and she fell. She was covered in wet sand and the sea weed somehow wrapped itself around her ankles. Unable to stand Sharon started to panic. She can't swim if the water pulled her in. But, she screamed,"GO AWAY!" Her strength returned, she ran to her car with the intention to go home. Once she made it into the house, she went straight to the bathroom, turned on the hot water in the tub and fixed it so that it would run out of the shower head. Sharon tore off her clothes and took a scolding shower. While she was in there she began to realize that she had no recollection of driving home. All she remembered was running to the car. It's happened before though. There have been lots of times when she couldn't remember how she got from point A to point B. She washed her hair three times and burned her right cheek a little which forced her to finish up. She wasn't afraid to pull back the shower curtain this time. But, this time it was different. This time, he was there. His hideous face was clear in the steam covered mirror. His ears were beyond huge, face was such a deep red it was almost black, wrinkled skin, teeth that were pointed and sharp but weak like a toothpick and they were dripping with blood revealing themselves through his evil smile. But, worst of all, his eyes were like hers. He had her eyes. Noticing this, she fell back into the tub and hit her head. Tears poured from her eyes both from the image in the mirror and the pain from her fall. She stood up slowly, it was still there. No longer was it smiling though. She tried to open the door but it wouldn't open. She tried opening the window, but no success. So she stood there and stared into his eyes. Out of nowhere, it started forming a smile. As she looked him in his eyes, she noticed tears rolling down his cheeks like waterfalls. Then he began to laugh but as scared as Sharon was she couldn't look away. She just stood there crying and looking into those eyes that looked exactly like her own. It's like she was hypnotized. The house phone rang and Sharon's mother answered it. When her mother called for her, Sharon did not answer. "Sharon, oh my God. Sharon, it's Donald on the phone. He said he went to get snacks and when he came back to the hotel room it looked like a dog or something had bit Sasha's throat clear off. Sharon, we have to go now!" Noticing the light peeking out from underneath the bathroom door, her mother busted in. There stood Sharon naked and wet with tears rolling down her cheeks, blood dripping from her teeth, smiling and laughing at her own reflection in the mirror.

BandAid

You lay there in a box in a drawer or behind a cabinet door.
Days and months go by without any attention.
The drawers and cabinet doors open but no one reaches for you.
Until one day someone searches for you, seeks you out, in pain and in need.
They find you and gently place you on their wound.
Finally you've been chosen!
It feels good to be needed.
No matter how nasty or deep the cut is, you protect it.
Guard it with all that you have in you.
Then the day comes when their wound has healed.
You've endured the worst with them but they snatch you off and throw you away.
You lay there in the trash or on the street somewhere neglected yet again.
After all the pain that you were there for, you're alone now.
Their pain is gone and you're no longer needed.
The life of a BandAid. Life.

In Darkness (3rd entry)

Chills run down the right side of Tessa's neck and down to the middle of her back. His whisper is extremely soft but it comes out with unquestionable authority. "That's a good girl", he encourages at the abrupt stop of her screams. He sits on the bed next to her and reaches his hand over to untie the left bow on her fancy panties. She begins to tremble nervously and her breathing becomes loud and shaky. He leans in to kiss her on her cheek but she turns her head as far as she can, causing his lips to touch her curly hair which rests right on top of her collar bone. He grabs her face with his right hand, squeezing her cheeks tight enough to make her lips pucker. As he turns her head quick and rough, she groans in pain both for her cheeks and the strain in her neck. "Oh, sweet Tessa. You're an intelligent young woman. Why would you do something so stupid?" He lays his forehead on hers before lightly biting her bottom lip and then kissing it. Tessa begins to cry silently. He lays across her body twisting and untwisting the loose ribbon around his right index finger all while placing his left hand on her stomach just above where her panties begin. His left thumb slides into them, when suddenly a man's voice which seems to be coming from another room calmly calls, "Shane!" He quickly hops up from the bed and leaves. Unfortunately, even after he opens and shuts the door, Tessa sees no glimpse of light. She cries loud and uncontrollably. Even though her headache is now worse, she cannot stop crying. It is so loud that she does not hear the door open again, but she hears it close. "Shane? Please Shane! Leave me alone, please!" He didn't respond to her. The footsteps come closer. Tessa tries her hardest to yank her arms loose and gives herself a slight rope burn. She screams when she feels Shane's hands on her underwear, which reminds her of how a diaper looks before you snap it shut on both sides. Her screaming stops when she realizes Shane is actually tying the ribbons of her underwear tighter than she'd ever tied them before. He leans over her and rubs her wrists. His breath smells like vanilla mint flavored toothpaste. He stood up after showing concern for her, walks away, and closes the door behind him. With tears still rolling down the sides of her face, Tessa wonders, "Was that Shane?" (to be continued...)

In Darkness (continued)

Tessa waits and listens for a response, but there isn't one. So she begins to panic. Her heart beats faster and louder. It feels as if it is going to burst right out of her chest. "Please! At least tell me what I am doing here. Did I hurt you in the past? Do you need money?" Still no answer. Suddenly she feels the tip of four fingers on the top of her toes. Just barely touching her leg, creating an irritating tickle, the fingers move slowly up Tessa's leg. Immediately, her intense fear caused her to lose control of her bladder and she released the urine that she tried so hard to hold in. "Oh, No! Please stop", she pleaded. She pays no attention to the fact that she just released bodily fluid. The only thing she is focusing on are the four fingers and when, or if, they're going to stop. The fingers make it all the way up to the top of her outer thigh and start tugging at, what Tessa has now noticed, is a pair of sexy panties that tie into a bow on each side. She then remembers what she may have worn the last time she was a free woman. It was a navy blue cocktail dress with suede navy blue high heels. The white lace panties she wore with the blue silk ties matched the bra perfectly. Her destination before this situation, her dream before the nightmare, was her engagement party. She snaps back to reality once she feels the bow on the right side of her panties come untied. Tessa screams. A voice in her right ear whispers very softly, "Shh! How do you know screaming doesn't turn me on?" (To Be Continued)

In Darkness

Laying flat on her back, Tessa finally woke. The throbbing headache wouldn't allow her to open her eyes so she holds her eyes closed extremely tight in an effort to endure the pain. Her nose is itching. A sudden panic comes over her once she realizes that she can not move either of her hands to relieve the itch with a scratch. Her wrists are tied. Tessa quickly opens her eyes but the view is still as if her eyelids were shut. She opens them wider but there is no use. Complete and total darkness fills the place where her body lays. Her breathing gets loud and heavy as tears roll down the side of her face and into her ears, realizing she is being held against her will. The feel of tears rolling into her ears, causes a slight tickle so she forces herself to stop crying. In an attempt to assess the situation, Tessa tries to imagine exactly how she is bound. She notices that her right wrist is tied to the right post of the head board, the left wrist to the left post. Her right ankle is tied to the right post of the foot board, and the left ankle to the left post. Basically, she is spread wide apart. She sneezes and then takes a deep breath. It smells like old wallpaper, rain that has already hit the ground, and it is extremely cold where she is. She notices this because her nipples are as hard as nails, she feels a slight breeze between her thighs, and goosebumps have taken over, revealing that she must not be wearing much. Unfortunately, she can not remember. In order to remember what she was last wearing, she would have to remember how she got into this situation in the first place. Tessa cries again. "I don't remember anything after getting into my car after work. I got off late, so it had to have been around 7pm", she whispers to herself. "I also have no idea if that was yesterday, today, or what?" She looks around in an effort to see anything, anything at all. A light under a doorway or a window above her head would help. Nothing. Suddenly she hears movement a few feet from where she lays. It sounds as if someone is getting up from sitting on the floor. Her legs begin to shake. Mixed with the cold air and fear, she nearly urinates but manages to hold it in. She thinks to herself, "has this person been in here with me the whole time?" Foot steps seem to bring whoever it is closer and closer. Immediately, she silences her cries. In a weak and cracking voice she asks, "Who is it? Who's there? Please?" To Be Continued.....

Dreams/Nightmares

I dream a lot and when I dream, most of the time, it is very intense. I wake up in an anxiety attack more often than I should. Anyway, I know that there are some non-believers but from my personal experiences in life....there is a such as a GHOST. Growing up, my mother has told me that I apparently inherited my grandmother's ability to see people who have passed on. Unlike my grandmother though, I don't always see a clear image. A clear image is very rare from my view. I would mostly see dark shadows. The last dark shadow that I believe I have seen, has actually been about two years ago. A tall shadow of a man walked across the hallway of my house, exiting one wall and walking right into the other all while looking my way. With that being said, I had an awful dream last night, more like a nightmare. A friend of mine was murdered along with her cousin and they were both found naked. I went to visit her family to offer my condolences and she was there. She was walking around the house fully clothed and picking up items (money, pillows, toys, etc.). I didn't say anything until I was left alone. I asked her if she knew she was dead and she gave me a look that lead me to believe she had no idea. Everywhere I went, she showed up. In the kitchen, she handed me a knife. In the bedroom, she helped make the bed. Watching TV, she picked up a DVD. On the steps outside, she sat next to me not saying a word. So I asked her again, "Do you know that you're dead?" She then turned her head slowly towards me and replied, "Yes". I asked her why she wouldn't leave me alone and she said it was because she wasn't ready to go and since I'm the only one she knows who can see her, she's sticking with me. She said I made her feel alive and that she'll be around me forever. After that, I woke up with my heart nearly beating out of my chest. I know it doesn't seem like much, but the dream seemed to last so long. And it was terrifying because, I knew the woman. I know her now. The details about her and her life were so accurate and it felt too real. But, I have to let it go as I have done so in the past. They're just dreams. I just wish I knew someone who could interpret my dreams because I know they mean something underneath the horrible depictions. Here's Hoping for the Best! LuV, MeLi

Adventure

For reasons unknown, I love history. Old buildings, old music, classic movies, vintage clothing, etc. History is what brought us to where we are today. With that being said, I have always wanted to go on a road trip with a camper/trailer. More specifically, I've wanted to get my "kicks on Route 66". Every now and then I would imagine myself on Route 66 seeing all of the sights in my airstream trailer.
I've envisioned meeting people, eating at old diners, visiting museums, and so forth and so on. My major concern though, is how bad the world is today. I wouldn't want to be sleeping in my trailer and wake up to highway robbery. My worst fear is getting robbed, rapped, or seeing a UFO while I'm on my little road trip. So, if ever I do go, I must bring a man and possibly a weapon (insert nervous laugh here). Also, I fear coming across racism. I don't want to stop at a gas station where they despise "my kind". I mean as long as I'm not put in danger, they can stupidly hate me all they want (insert disappointed laugh here),just don't touch me! A road trip could be a great way to get to know someone better as well. A long trip like that will definitely bring out the real you after about a day or two stuck together in a car and a trailer. Hopefully one day, before I'm too old to handle it, I'll head out with someone (or some people) on that adventure. Here's Hoping for the Best! LuV, MeLi

Don't Do Her Any Favors!

I don't care if a woman is a virgin, took care of you when no one else would, ill, on her death bed, pregnant, and so forth and so on. Don't start a relationship with her if you know you're not ready for it. Don't give her the satisfaction of calling you her man if everybody else knows that you're Jane, Tasha, Sally, and Sue's man to. Don't do her any favors! True enough, some women do things for you just because they think that you're going to stick around, and yes sticking around may seem like the right thing to do. But, if you know that you're not going to be faithful and that your heart isn't going to be in it, don't do her any favors! If you get a female pregnant, yes, the right thing to do would be to MARRY her. But, if you know you're not ready for marriage and your lives are going to be miserable, Don't Do Her Any Favors! See, it seems like men often times fail to realize that, just like they can leave.....so can we. Staying with you is a choice. Many women choose to stay with a man who is doing them wrong because they are "in love". But, no matter how much in love she thinks she is, by that point I'd say that she's in denial. I've been through it and I know I was in denial. You can't truly love someone who is being terrible to you. You can have love for them, but "in love" suddenly becomes a joke. Women have a tendency to think with our emotions and we think we love someone who is terrible to us, because we don't want anyone else or we're thinking of how great it used to be. It may have started off great. But, by the time he stops calling, stops answering your calls, starts being caught with other women,etc. a female is now at the point where she just doesn't want to give up. The love is fading and it's turning into a game of "How Long Can I Stay?" Suddenly, it is now a competition. The relationship has become a battle that women do not want to lose. They don't want to have to say that they put up with the mess for so long and for nothing. It also becomes a challenge against the other women. Jealousy rears its ugly head. A game of "He's my man, not yours!" Trust and believe ladies, if your man is cheating, then he's not your man. Men tend to put a woman through hell just because he can, just because you let him. They know that women tend to be more sensitive and most likely to stay and forgive their bullsh*t. I know that most men keep a girl around because deep down he doesn't want another man to have her. So, he wants his cake but he wants to eat it to. SELFISH!!!! Bottom line is, if you're not going to be a real man to your woman......DON'T DO HER ANY FAVORS!!! Let her be free to find a man who will. And the same goes for some women. If you just like to go out and be flirty and see how much attention you can get from men, don't have a boyfriend. DON'T DO HIM ANY FAVORS!!! He will be better of without you. Men, she will be better off without you. But, in some cases there are relationships that start off as favors and it works. But, those are rare. I know for a fact that this cycle will continue. I just wanted to say what was on my mind. Through most of my relationships, I have told the dude to let me know if he's lost interest so that I wouldn't have to go through cheating and distrust and he wouldn't have to go through lying and guilt. Of course, they didn't do as I requested because they wanted the "wifey" type at home and not give another man a chance at a woman so great. So, they cheated anyway with the mind set that I wasn't going anywhere. Don't Do Me Any Favors!!! Now, in some cases mistakes are made and all is forgiven with the intent on making it right. But, I'm just talking about the people who do favor after favor either to benefit themselves or to shut their partner up. I say again, "Don't Do Him/Her Any Favors!" If you're in a relationship, make sure you actually want to be in it and you're not doing it to please your woman/man. Here's Hoping for the Best! LuV, MeLi

It's Possible

There are so many women (and men) with insecurities in this day and age. At the center of it all, we all want someone to be attracted to us and to love us for who we are. Often times, well let's face it, all of the time I hear people say, "you can't love someone if you don't love yourself." Now that may have some truth to it, and call me crazy, but I believe that it is very much possible to love someone without having love for yourself. I've often thought about this. First, I want to explore the meaning of love. From the dictionary the word Love is defined as having deep affection and warm feeling for another; a strong fondness; to like or desire enthusiastically. Just because you don't have a deep affection for yourself does not make it impossible to have those feelings for someone else. It's what makes us human. Love is a random emotion that though it may not have been there yesterday, it can very well be there today. When you love someone (romantically) you hope that no harm comes their way, take care of them when they're sick, hold them when they're in tears, long for his/her touch, and so forth and so on. All of which is very possible to do if you're not so fond of yourself. Of course it is wise to at least try to like yourself before giving out such a strong emotion as love. Love can drain you, if you're not strong enough to handle it. From experience, there was a period where I didn't love myself but it did not hinder my ability to love someone else. I was supportive, compassionate, kind, concerned, selfless, not jealous, pretty much everything one can be in a relationship where there's love involved. I just had a hard time accepting who I was personally. The guys before, received love that they let me know years later they regret straying away from. I loved in spite of my lack of fondness for myself. Other people just simply become more important. I'm not saying that everybody who's depressed or insecure should go out and start relationships. What I am trying to say is, if love was only reserved for the strong (people who love themselves) then who would be there to lift the unhappy/insecure folks off of the ground? Someone can love you enough to help you realize how great you are. I knew a woman, not close to me, who was down right almost ready to give up the ghost, when suddenly she met this man at her place of work. He showed her love and helped her to notice how amazing she truly was. I think where it gets hard is after the fact. If the relationship doesn't work out, and you don't love yourself, you blame yourself even if you've done nothing wrong. That's where the saying "you can't love someone until you love yourself" starts to make since to me. I know many will disagree and misunderstand this blog but I speak from experience. And my experience is only mine. No two experiences are exactly the same. I love myself now, but that doesn't mean I don't question some of the aspects of my personality like why am I so old fashioned at times (insert laugh here). In conclusion, it is possible to love if you don't love yourself but.....it's just better if you do. Here's Hoping for the Best! LuV, MeLi

Like a Sponge

Walking into Sprint one day, I overheard a grandmother fussing at her grandchild. "Didn't I tell you to stop slamming my goddamn car door? If you break my window I swear I'm gonna break your ass with my fuckin' foot." I cringed at the words that were coming out of her mouth, speaking to a child of no more than five years of age. I thought to myself, if this is how the grandmother talks, how must the mother communicate with this child? Why is it that so many people, and I see this more in minorities, cuss out there children? I'm not saying that White people don't do it as well, but I see it more from my experiences, with Blacks and Spanish folks. I mean they're just kids. Kids are naturally curious because they begin learning from the moment they're born, if not sooner. They say a baby knows who to be comfortable with from the voices he/she hears frequently through the womb. The way that children view the world starts from home. If you're racist, your child will most likely be also unless he/she grows up and eventually allows his/her mind to open up to the world. If all they keep seeing you do when you get angry is yell and cuss up a storm, they're going to think that that is the way to act when they get angry themselves. So, the world ends up with yet another out of control child/teen. Also, don't show favoritism. Kids can feel when you favor one child over the other. Treat them all the same. One child shouldn't feel any less cared for than the other. Another example is when the child is always seeing mommy and daddy fight. Mothers, when you talk down to your kids about their fathers (or vice versa) they begin to feel the way you do. Their fathers aren't getting a fair chance to receive love from them because they keep hearing you call their daddy "no good". They may have been "no good" as your man, but it doesn't mean that they're going to be a "no good" father. And men stop calling the mother of your child/children out of her name. Teach your sons to not disrespect women and show your daughters how a man is supposed to treat her. Parents, Be Good Examples!!! Mothers teach your girls to be ladies. Let them know that they don't have to go out of the house half naked to get a man. Half the time they'll attract the wrong one that way anyhow. Men teach your sons to leave the good girls alone if all he wants is sex from them. There would be a little less hurt in the long run. So, all I'm trying to say is that if you smoke, drink, do drugs, have sex with different people every week, disrespect your husband/wife, yell and cuss every time something goes wrong,etc. in front of your kids they are going to grow up acting the way they've seen you act. When parents act like they don't have any sense, it forces the child to go into two directions: 1) the child is forced to grow up too fast or 2) he/she falls right into the cycle. Some may be lucky and realize early on that they don't want to be anything like you. But, wouldn't that hurt to hear your child say that? I mean , to want to be NOTHING like you at all? I don't know about you but, it would hurt me. Don't talk to them like they're 30 when they're only 3. Teach them love, respect, kindness, compassion, etc. not bitterness, anger, whores, and thugs. And of course we know, that we can teach them all we know but they still have to lead their own lives, but it's good to know that somewhere in their minds are the things you taught them. A better future starts with our kids. "Train up a child in the way that he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it" -Proverbs 22:6 >>Here's hoping for the best! LuV, MeLi

Loves Me, Loves Me Not

Does he/she still find me attractive? Does she/he wonder what life would be like with their ex? Does he/she wonder what life would be like with another person period? Is he/she ashamed of me? Am I the world to him/her as he/she is to me? Can he/she imagine their life without me? Does he/she really love me?

Sure they say those three magical words ("I Love You") but do they express it? A lot of relationships tend to sour for many reasons. I have come to realize that one of the reasons has much to do with lack of expression. Don't assume that your partner knows how you feel. I've talked to a few couples (together and separately) and the one quote that kept popping up was: "He (or she) should know how I feel by now". This disturbs me. Just because you say those three words does not mean that your partner should be satisfied with that alone. How about trying to say a little more than I love you? Tell the person that you're in a relationship with exactly how you feel. If you feel like you can't breath the same when they're gone, express that to them. If your heart skips a beat every time your phone rings and it's him/her on the other line, express it! If hearing them say your name a certain way turns you on, express it! If you desire no other, express it! How does your honey know how you feel unless you tell them. Yes, I love you are three very meaningful and melodious words. But, what else? And after you communicate and express your feelings, show it! Visit your baby cakes when they least expect it. Put him/her first, after the kids of course!!! Hold each other after you make love once in awhile. Never ignore a sweet little note or gesture because although to you it may seem small, it could be a pretty big deal to your significant other. And you should be happy to have someone who would take the time out to leave you any kind of note whether it's encouraging or naughty. Acknowledge the little things. The more you acknowledge the little things, the more he/she will appreciate the big things. Often times, it is better to receive lots of little things than it is to get one big thing. Ever heard that saying, "it's the little things that count"? All that I'm trying to say is, don't assume that your man/woman knows how you feel because they may very well think the complete opposite. I know that letting someone know exactly how you feel can be scary. Let's face it, you're putting yourself out there. But, imagine the connection you may lose if you don't. Here's Hoping for the Best! LuV, MeLi

Obscure Confidence

Do me a favor. Put your hands over your eyes blocking out all of the light around you. But, leave enough room in between your hands and eyes so that you're not pressing your eyelids down. Then, close your eyes really tight and count to ten. After you have finished counting, open your eyes but keep your hands covering them. Complete darkness. Can you imagine living life this way? Being able to open your eyes as wide as they can get but not seeing a thing? That is what it feels like for the blind and here is where I explain my title. Obscure is a synonym for blind, just as confidence is another word for trust. I have always felt such sorrow in my heart for the blind. I believe this is because of my mother's friend. She wasn't born blind. A surgery gone wrong caused her to lose her sight. But, growing up I noticed how much she trusted the family and friends around her to take care of her. She had confidence (trust) in them that they wouldn't steer her wrong. And if she didn't have confidence in someone, I'm sure she wouldn't allow them to guide her. I truly admire couples where there is a blind spouse or where both persons are blind. There has to be a level of trust established as soon as possible. They cannot choose a mate solely on the physical for obvious reasons. They rely on the sound of your voice, the scent of your body, the touch of your hand, and the feel of your spirit (your inner being). Your character is extremely important in a relationship with the blind. He/she needs to be sure that they can put obscure confidence in you. So, I wonder why we who are blessed with sight have such a hard time looking past the physical and into a person's spirit. It's a blessing to be able to see our partners and enjoy their physical appearances but when does that no longer matter? When does the inner beauty outshine the outter? Unfortunately, there are many individuals who's beautiful faces do not match their spirits within. It would be nice if people who have sight also had the ability to have blind trust. Looking past your man/woman's physical beauty, do you see a spirit that you connect with? Can you put your confidence in them and have faith that they won't steer you wrong? If you are brave enough to start a relationship with someone, you are saying to them in so many words that you are putting confidence in him/her. You should be able to say that he/she will take care of you and your heart. But, if you don't have full confidence, you should at least have the will and determination to get there. Otherwise ask yourself, "Why am I with this person?" In relationships, we must look past the physical and really get to know the person inside. Is this person someone you can put obscure confidence in? I know that trust is difficult for most of us these days. I mean, with all the women who would sleep with a married man and all of the men who swear they can do better than the current guy, a lot of people have been hurt one way or another. But life goes on and time brings about a change. I am not saying to ignore your wisdom. We all know that we learn from our mistakes. We just have to trust that we've learned a lesson and that we are ready to pass the next test. If you're with someone or thinking about being with someone, figure out whether or not they are worth testing your new found knowledge on. If you've learned something at all, then you should know what you want/need from your woman/man as well as what kind of relationship you both desire to be in. Again, I know that it is difficult to trust someone. Your heart is on the line here. And there's no pain like heartbreak because there's no medicine to take it away. We can't pop an aspirin in our mouth and all of sudden feel better. But, if God sees fit to put someone in your life who fits the prototype, pray that everything goes alright and try a little obscure confidence. Here's Hoping for the Best! LuV, MeLi

Blessed Assurance

There's a Gospel song entitled "Blessed Assurance". The first few words of this song are very powerful. It starts off saying, "blessed assurance, Jesus is mine". Now let's look at the meaning of these two words. Blessed means worthy of worship; holy. But blessed also means bringing happiness or pleasure. Now, turning our attention to assurance, we find out that it means freedom from doubt; having self-confidence. So, this song is basically saying that we can be happy, have freedom from doubt, experience pleasure and have self-confidence in knowing that Jesus belongs to us. Doesn't that sound wonderful? I mean who wouldn't want to have all these marvelous feelings all at the same time about someone special? So why is it then that it is so hard for us to have blessed assurance in our relationships? I feel that the reason may lay in the fact that we humans are always doing one of two things: Disappointing or being Disappointed. In my past, I have had a few relationships that I thought were for sure the "real deal". With each one, I started off with blessed assurance. Long story short, I was disappointed and am no longer with any of these guys. As they continued to have blessed assurance in me, I was lied to, cheated on, cursed out, insulted, held against my will and yet all the while, they had assurance that I wouldn't bring them the same harm. We should all be so lucky as to have blessed assurance in our relationships. After someone has been hurt and disappointed repeatedly, how do you get them to experience happiness in having freedom from doubt? Truth is, you can't!!! There is absolutely nothing you can do about someone who is having a hard time letting go of the negative things that has happened in their past. If anything, all we can do is continue to be there as best we can and keep reassuring him/her that we love them. They have to be ready and willing to let go and let God take control and give them the courage to have blessed assurance in someone again. As we all know, humans are vessels of imperfection. Allowing ourselves to have blessed assurance in one of these specimens is a horrifying thought. But, in order for a relationship to progress and be a success we need assurance to keep us moving forward. It's like when you're exercising and you feel like giving up but then you think about how it benefits your health and your physical appearance so you give yourself a pep talk and you complete the workout. That's what assurance does for a relationship. Just when it gets rough and you feel like giving up, a little romantic gesture or quick pep talk ("baby, I love you so much", "honey no one makes me feel like you", "I don't want anyone else but you", or "I need you") can get your man/woman confident enough to keep on holding on with you. I must say though, not everyone is worthy of your blessed assurance. Hence the reason why we have break ups and heartache. It is wise to be picky and choose who to put your freedom from doubt and confidence in. Men and women alike can crush your spirits. But, when you find someone who may be worth you opening your heart to (and that means someone who can drink of your cup, not just an attractive someone) then give blessed assurance a try. If someone claims to love you, they'll do what is necessary to make you happy so that you may rest easy because you are free from doubt in your relationship (and vice versa). Life's about chances. There are no guarantees but, "you will never know love unless you surrender to it". Here's hoping for the best! Luv, MeLi

Can You Drink of My Cup

"Oh my goodness girl he is FINE", says one woman to her friend. "Damn, she look good", says one man to his boys. Obviously, there is this thing in life called physical attraction. The outer appearance (what our eyes can actually see/prove) is what draws us to a person first. There's nothing wrong with admitting that your mate's "assets" was what drew you near before you knew him/her. It's only natural. But, what happens after we meet that beautiful specimen? What happens after we introduce ourselves? Believe it or not, unless you're just in it to get a little action, the physical becomes a little less important. We begin to want to discover what this person is all about. So many relationships are based on physical appearances. But, if you care to notice, these relationships take a turn for the worse nearly every time. Just because someone is sexy on the outside does not make them just as sexy on the inside. Now, I'm not saying go out and find someone you're not physically attracted to and give them a chance. Like I noted before, there's nothing wrong with your mate's assets being the first thing you noticed. Having a weakness for your girl's booty or being turned on by your man's abs is healthy. But, it's what comes packaged in those gorgeous shells that matters most. When you enter into a relationship, you are telling this person that he/she has the potential to be your husband/wife. Well, at least, I hope that is the intention. A lot of people use relationships as a sport. But, there are things that we should look for when it's time to look beyond the shell. Of course we learn about their likes/dislikes, fears/confidences, highs/lows, etc. But most importantly, you want to know if this person is unselfish, able to compromise, able to communicate (not argumentative), whether or not they feed off of drama (cause that brings stress and stress can shorten the life span), whether or not he/she is trustworthy and most importantly you want to know if he/she can handle who you are as an individual. It's like in Matthew 20:22 (the Bible), when Jesus asked his disciples if they were "...able to drink of the cup that I shall drink of..." Just take a minute to ask yourself and then ask your mate can he/she really drink from the same cup? Can they handle being with you and the type of person you truly are? Can they handle life with you when you are up just as well as when you're down? Can they stay strong when finances are at its lowest just as well as when its at an all time high? Can they support your dreams? Can they forget about their needs from time to time and pay attention to yours? Can they stand with you when the world is against you? Can they still hold you and tell you they love you even when you've made a mistake? Can You Drink of My Cup? Relationships can be hard but once understood that if you argue, fuss, fight, cheat, lie before you even say "I Do" eight times out of ten after the ceremony, things won't change. Sometimes we fall for people and it doesn't work. But look at it as a learning experience and move on. Perhaps, God has just been preparing you for the "One" who is to come, if he/she isn't with you right now. Believe that you deserve someone who won't bring you harm, stress, sadness, and who can take you as your are. Everyone can improve over time, but make sure you are loved for who you are now and not who he/she is expecting you to be. "Can You Drink of My Cup?" Here's Hoping for the Best! Luv, MeLi

Never Too Old

As a kid, I remember my mother reading Mother Goose Nursery Rhymes nearly every night. I looked forward to it. The way that she would take on the roles of each character was truly amazing. She would change her tone of voice, her facial expressions, and even on occasion her body position. She put her all into it. I would love it most when she made up her own stories. I recently saw the movie "Bedtime Stories", and it touched my heart. It really had my undivided attention. I absolutely love to read and make up stories. My mother is probably the reason why I love to let the kid inside of me, come out to play. Just put me in a room full of art supplies, fabric, books, and music and I can pretty much guarantee that you will be amazed at the things I come up with. I am an artist at heart with a vivid imagination. I feel that once people become adults, they lose that magic that they once had as a child. Life's worries, stresses, and headaches get the best of them. I think that every now and then, every adult should stop in the kid's section of a bookstore, pick up a picture book, and read it. As embarrassing as it may be, I still pick up a children's book from time to time to look at the pictures & journey through the words. ESCAPE!!! I know that you can escape through just about any fictional novel of your choice but then you're still just drifting into a world of adult situations. Escape to a world that reminds you of a time when you didn't stress, a time when you didn't have bills, a time when you weren't in a failing relationship, a time when you didn't wake up the next day feeling bad about the sex you had last night. Escape to a time of innocence. I plan to start collecting my favorite children's books for when I have my own babies. So far, I have a children's Bible guide and a truly marvelous collection of poems and drawings called "Falling Up" by Shel Silverstein. Now, Shel Silverstein's books are MAGNIFICENT!!! I recommend picking up one of his collections when you step over to the kid's section of the book store. I will share with you one of the poems in the book I purchased awhile back.

The Voice

There is a voice inside of you

That whispers all day long,

"I feel that this is right for me,

I know that this is wrong."

No teacher, preacher, parent, friend

Or wise man can decide

What's right for you - just listen to

The voice that speaks inside." -Shel Silverstein






Some may think that I am odd for being the way I am. But, I can't help it. I love make believe, I love art, I love kids, and I love acknowledging the kid within. It is for these reasons that I am in school to become an elementary school teacher. I feel like I have the abilities, the patience, and the will to help them want and love to learn. Now, I'm not a crazy loon. I know how to be an adult. I know how to take care of business and responsibilities. In other words, I know how to stress, worry, and work LoL. I just choose to ESCAPE from time to time. So, next time when you're in the presence of a child, turn off the TV and read them a story or encourage them to use their imagination and make up a story with you. Here's Hoping for The Best!

Luv, MeLi

In Deep

It's Bad Enough

It's bad enough that black people are still killing each other over colors in these streets and still fighting to be looked at as a human beings to some people who are yet unaccepting, but for a successful black man to put down another successful black man for no good reason is humiliating and absurd. I just heard the news today about the negative things that the director Spike Lee, said concerning famed/fellow director Tyler Perry. He insulted Mr. Perry's body of work saying that he is taking the black community back to the days of "Amos & Andy" (an old show which had white people in blackface). If Spike Lee doesn't KNOCK IT OFF!!!! He's a jealous little man. After all of the black drug heads and hoes that he's depicted in his films he needs to quit all that baby hollering and sit down somewhere. Don't insult someone because they're doing something you wish you were doing. Stop giving other races reasons to shake their heads at us. I'm so over people and their personal issues. Perhaps, Tyler Perry can let Spike Lee take a tour of his studio and give him an ice cream cone. If you want to know more details and perhaps see Perry's response, go to www.mwza.com. Here's Hoping for the Best! Luv, MeLi

There is a Difference

I have come to realize that there is a huge difference between just having sex and making love. Having sex can be rather impersonal. You don't look into each other's eyes, it can get started pretty quick, there's no kissing during "just sex" most of the time, you don't necessarily have to have feelings for the person, four-play is often excluded, and when it's over, it's over. But, making love? In its own way, it is a conversation without words. It is an expression of feelings. It's soft, sweet, slow, thoughtful, unselfish, romantic, magical.....I could go on and on. There's yearning, longing, giving, receiving, heat, desire, and passion. Believe it or not, it doesn't have to last long either. Just long enough to reach that peak. And when it's over, you feel like you've just built a wall around you two that no one can find the entrance to. I feel like the only way to truely make love is to be in love. If you're not in love, it's just sex. Not that sex isn't good. People who are in love have "just sex" most of the time. there isn't always enough time to slow things down. But, making love is GREAT!!! ...or so I believe. I honestly feel that I have yet to truely make love. I came close to it but there was no trust in the relationship. Almost doesn't count LoL. To feel the connection deep within my being. To have that experience with a man who I can trust with my heart, who is faithful to me, honest with me, knows me, longs for me, LOVES ME....I can imagine it will be an amazing experience. So, since I am in a new relationship with love all around it, I'm pretty certain that our day will come. Living in different states won't stop me. Nope! I'm going to have my magical moment. I'm going to turn that fumble into a touchdown! Here's Hoping for the Best. Luv, MeLi

It's Hard

It's Hard!!! I can recall a time when I didn't have to try on an outfit before buying it. I knew my size and how clothes fit my body so I would just see it and place it on the counter to purchase. But I lost myself. Between the years of 2003 and 2007, I became content in a relationship I was in & depressed because it was going down hill. All we ate was Mcdonald's and Pizza. Needless to say, I gained plenty a pound. I went from the girl all of his friends wished they had, to the girl with the amazing personality. I had an amazing personality before the weight (still do) but it's like weight is all people see. Our outward appearance is all people have to go by when they don't know us personally. I'm not extremely fat or anything but I look significantly different than I did a few years ago when I could stop a car passing by. LoL We all know that people judge. But, I've wanted to lose the extra weight for quite some time now, I just hadn't become committed mentally. This year (2010) I am making a Life Change. I have been exercising, eating healthy, and feeling good. But, it's freakin' hard to keep up with it I must say. Right now I could go for some fried chicken. Of course I won't do it, but it's heavy on the dome. I decided to blog about my "fried" thoughts to pass the time and hopefully ease the hunger pains. My mother suggests that I drink Apple Cider Vinegar to curb my appetite. I will. I am just trying to bring my sexy back as Justin Timberlake says. Well, Here's Hoping for the Best.
Luv, Meli